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Post by Coach Bennett on Nov 22, 2014 15:14:34 GMT -6
Figured I'd share a guest commentary I wrote to our local paper. I'm sure it will boomerang at some point but the response from our community members has been overwhelmingly positive so far.
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Sons & Daughters
“I hope you get in a car accident on your way home” were the words spoken to me to close a conversation with a parent regarding playing time for one of my football players this past fall. A car accident. As I stood there, dumbfounded and wondering what events in one’s life would cause them to say such a mean-spirited comment, another thought suddenly dawned on me – does this person not want my son to have a father? Does he wish my wife to be a widow?
As coaches, we are ripe for the barbs thrown by fans. Unfortunately, it seems to be one’s “right” to disparage others personally and publically at sporting events. I understand comments like “idiot”, “jerk”, and “loser” are par for the course, and I can handle it. In fact, I’ve come to see myself as a therapist of sorts, providing a venue each week for the disgruntled and emotionally fragile to cathartically project their ills on the backs of officials and coaches. I hope they feel better.
In truth, however, I think about my son and what he will have to hear about his father when he attends games. A preschooler shouldn’t have to hear about his father being a [insert your favorite expletive]. I think about my wife listening to the personal attacks and the verbal diarrhea that spills forth from either the ignorant, or worse, educated fans who are experts in whatever event they choose to watch. I think about my mother and father, dutifully driving around the North Country, listening to the unenlightened adeptly dissect this play call or that personnel decision not from an objective standpoint but with malice. This is my story but I know from many conversations with my peers, both here in Saranac Lake and around the state and nation, that it is not unique.
The intent of this guest commentary is not to dissuade or convert the armchair quarterbacks to see the light and cease their endless barrage of negativity at our sons’ and daughters’ sporting events. It is instead an appeal to those of you out there that are good and just and decent human beings. We need your help.
When a “fan” rips a coach, player or official, their impulsive, knee-jerk “ESPN” expertise ripples through the psyche of others attending a game to watch their son or daughter or mother or father coach, play, or officiate. This isn’t about football or hockey or basketball. It’s about strength in numbers for surely there is more positivity in this world and our community than negativity. It’s about our community standing up to those in the crowd that sound off with personal attacks directed at other fans, officials, coaches and even our own players and telling them enough is enough.
That said, if you are a self-diagnosed expert and want to talk to a coach in a dignified, private manner, I encourage you to do so. That is the way a civilized world works.
Most importantly, to the brave among you that have stood up to those that would sooner trash someone personally than have the guts to speak their mind face-to-face, you have my sincere respect and genuine appreciation. We should not let the classless few represent the majority of the good and decent among us. Only with your help will the culture of the stands truly change. Thank you for standing up.
Respectfully submitted,
Eric Bennett
Parent, Son
SLCSD Athletic Director
Head Football Coach
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Post by fantom on Nov 22, 2014 15:33:45 GMT -6
Figured I'd share a guest commentary I wrote to our local paper. I'm sure it will boomerang at some point but the response from our community members has been overwhelmingly positive so far. --------------------------------------------------------- Sons & Daughters “I hope you get in a car accident on your way home” were the words spoken to me to close a conversation with a parent regarding playing time for one of my football players this past fall. A car accident. As I stood there, dumbfounded and wondering what events in one’s life would cause them to say such a mean-spirited comment, another thought suddenly dawned on me – does this person not want my son to have a father? Does he wish my wife to be a widow? As coaches, we are ripe for the barbs thrown by fans. Unfortunately, it seems to be one’s “right” to disparage others personally and publically at sporting events. I understand comments like “idiot”, “jerk”, and “loser” are par for the course, and I can handle it. In fact, I’ve come to see myself as a therapist of sorts, providing a venue each week for the disgruntled and emotionally fragile to cathartically project their ills on the backs of officials and coaches. I hope they feel better. In truth, however, I think about my son and what he will have to hear about his father when he attends games. A preschooler shouldn’t have to hear about his father being a [insert your favorite expletive]. I think about my wife listening to the personal attacks and the verbal diarrhea that spills forth from either the ignorant, or worse, educated fans who are experts in whatever event they choose to watch. I think about my mother and father, dutifully driving around the North Country, listening to the unenlightened adeptly dissect this play call or that personnel decision not from an objective standpoint but with malice. This is my story but I know from many conversations with my peers, both here in Saranac Lake and around the state and nation, that it is not unique. The intent of this guest commentary is not to dissuade or convert the armchair quarterbacks to see the light and cease their endless barrage of negativity at our sons’ and daughters’ sporting events. It is instead an appeal to those of you out there that are good and just and decent human beings. We need your help. When a “fan” rips a coach, player or official, their impulsive, knee-jerk “ESPN” expertise ripples through the psyche of others attending a game to watch their son or daughter or mother or father coach, play, or officiate. This isn’t about football or hockey or basketball. It’s about strength in numbers for surely there is more positivity in this world and our community than negativity. It’s about our community standing up to those in the crowd that sound off with personal attacks directed at other fans, officials, coaches and even our own players and telling them enough is enough. That said, if you are a self-diagnosed expert and want to talk to a coach in a dignified, private manner, I encourage you to do so. That is the way a civilized world works. Most importantly, to the brave among you that have stood up to those that would sooner trash someone personally than have the guts to speak their mind face-to-face, you have my sincere respect and genuine appreciation. We should not let the classless few represent the majority of the good and decent among us. Only with your help will the culture of the stands truly change. Thank you for standing up. Respectfully submitted, Eric Bennett Parent, Son SLCSD Athletic Director Head Football Coach I can take anything that you say to, or about, me. If you get my family involved we'll have words. |
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Post by blackknight on Nov 23, 2014 19:37:57 GMT -6
Well said.
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Post by olcoach53 on Nov 23, 2014 19:39:57 GMT -6
Sometimes people take things one step too far and then just keep going. It is pretty sad when that happens and I truly feel sympathy for the people who think that way.
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Post by newhope on Nov 24, 2014 8:36:35 GMT -6
Well said. The only thing I would have added was to have publicized the parent's name. This is also why the best thing I've learned along the way is a hard and fast rule: "We will NEVER discuss playing time with a parent". I don't work for administrators who don't understand and support this rule.
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Post by jgordon1 on Nov 24, 2014 8:49:59 GMT -6
Well said. The only thing I would have added was to have publicized the parent's name. This is also why the best thing I've learned along the way is a hard and fast rule: "We will NEVER discuss playing time with a parent". I don't work for administrators who don't understand and support this rule. I never understood why a coach would not talk about playing time w/ a parent after he has already spoken about it to a kid. We as a coaching staff feel other players are better as demonstrated by (fill in reason) ..You do have a reason that you can reasonably articulate?? obviously, we can agree to disagree, I am the coach.. IMO, non responses in most situations are not positive in ANY (not just football) environments |
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Post by ksmitty79 on Nov 24, 2014 10:24:21 GMT -6
What kills me is the armchair QB's that dog you during the game and then want to shake your hand after the game and tell you what a good job you did. That reason right there is why I stay on the field after games for about 20 mins. We have a serious problem of that in the county I coach in. We do not have middle school football so basically the only time some of these kids are coached by someone other then a father is when they get to high school. It is really difficult to get some parents to understand that simple football skills trumps an "athlete" any day of the week. With my experience the kids that always complain about playing time are those kids that constantly are in the back of the line in drills and do not give maximum effort.
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Post by Coach Bennett on Nov 24, 2014 11:58:39 GMT -6
Fans are fans everywhere, I get that. What is it about sports that lets people act the way they do, though?
Can you imagine going to a school play and yelling, "that set is horrible!" or "that's the best you got for the lead role!"?
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Post by Defcord on Nov 24, 2014 12:28:33 GMT -6
I know a few guys who have family and friends sit on opposite sideline. Parents are crazy. My six year old plays soccer on Saturdays and they all complain. I give my kid two rules. Run as fast as you can and do whatever the coach says. Other than that I sit back and smile.
When I was a head coach I had a dad tell me that he could have beat the team (state contender annually)by 50 if he was the coach. I said that's a lot to score. He said well I can do it. I said what defense do they run. He said I don't know or care I just know I am that good.
This article piece was well written and I enjoyed it.
I think the flip side is true as well. We as coaches have to remember when we get fired up that the players are someone's kid. Parents don't want to see us out there belittling and berating their child anymore than our wives want to hear stuff about us.
One thing an opposing coach I respect does is have a meeting with every family in their home before each season. I think this is a great idea in bringing the coach/player/family relationship to a more personal level. if I am ever a head coach again I will do it.
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Post by coachg13 on Nov 24, 2014 13:05:00 GMT -6
Defcord - do you know what exactly that opposing coach discusses in each of those family meetings?
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Post by Defcord on Nov 24, 2014 13:23:41 GMT -6
Defcord - do you know what exactly that opposing coach discusses in each of those family meetings? I do not know all of the specifics. I know he talks about expectations. I know he brings along a signup for team meals and the booster club. I think he allows them an open format to ask any questions. Beyond that I do not know for sure. |
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Post by blb on Nov 24, 2014 13:36:27 GMT -6
Defcord - do you know what exactly that opposing coach discusses in each of those family meetings?
PM coachjm. He has done this in the past.
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Post by tiger46 on Nov 24, 2014 14:38:38 GMT -6
Whenever I go to HS games, I get so sick of the Bleacher HC's/Football Experts in the stands that I always try to find one of these three areas to sit: 1.) Student section(good) 2.) In the middle of a bunch of women(better) 3.)An empty section away from everyone else(best).
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Post by Coach Bennett on Nov 25, 2014 7:16:13 GMT -6
For me, it wasn't until this year that I asked myself why the culture of the stands is what it is. I've always just accepted that there are those that will sound off as self-diagnosed experts and take personal shots but this year was different.
The deeper question is why are these behaviors a part of the culture of sport? I mean, have you ever been to a youth hockey game? Those folks are on the edge of sanity, at least for the hour their kids are on the ice.
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Post by natenator on Nov 25, 2014 16:38:55 GMT -6
For me, it wasn't until this year that I asked myself why the culture of the stands is what it is. I've always just accepted that there are those that will sound off as self-diagnosed experts and take personal shots but this year was different. The deeper question is why are these behaviors a part of the culture of sport? I mean, have you ever been to a youth hockey game? Those folks are on the edge of sanity, at least for the hour their kids are on the ice. I'm not sure where you're located but hockey is to Canada what football is to the US. Rep hockey (and even sometimes a house league) games will have a lot of what you see and hear from the bleacher crowd of high school football. Whereas, the marginal insanity you see at hockey games would be comparable (mostly) to our football. Regardless, it is quite sad. |
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Post by coachwoodall on Nov 25, 2014 21:24:16 GMT -6
I seldom have interest to sit and watch a game of football that I am not coaching unless:
-it's my alma mater and I've been drinking road sodas with my boys before hand
-It's a coaching buddy of mine and I make sure that I'm on the sideline or in the box
In the few times I've been in the stands, I'm as vocal as anybody. I usually tell the morons to just shut up or to pull with the wagon. Most blow hard fans usually are sitting in Amen Corner but most members are not willing to back up the preacher when push comes to shove. The OP is asking for more people to stand up to the mouth breathers; maybe I need to retire and live out my retirement dream -- drive around every Friday to small town average at best ball games.
So far as the wifey in the stands; I'm not the least bit worried about that. She'll whoop most of ya'lls arses anyday of the week and twice on Sunday. She can take care of herself in the stands and ain't shy about doing it.
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Post by coachtua on Dec 23, 2014 3:51:13 GMT -6
Well said. The only thing I would have added was to have publicized the parent's name. This is also why the best thing I've learned along the way is a hard and fast rule: "We will NEVER discuss playing time with a parent". I don't work for administrators who don't understand and support this rule. AT OUR PARENT MEETING AT THE BEGINNING OF EACH SEASON OUR HC TELLS THE PARENTS...IF YOUR KID ISNT PLAYING ASK HIM HE KNOWS THE REASON HE ISNT PLAYING... |
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